by Austin Knight
Editor’s Note: This is the second installment of a three part series by an anabolic steroid user. In order to give real facts of what happens to users who take steroids, Steroidology feels compelled to give a voice to users who have experienced first hand the positive and negative effects of these drugs.
In Part 1 you learned about my unfortunate experience with pigmentation. Today we will continue with the journey throughout my mid to late twenties.
It wasn’t too long before I started to realize that something wasn’t right with my libido. At first I noticed that my erections were weaker. I wasn’t my usual self. I ignored the issue at the time and attributed it to fatigue, as I was working many hours. After a year or so, I could no longer ignore the issue. My sex drive plummeted and my energy levels were reduced to an alarming halt.
Researching on my own to find folks with similar symptoms, I found a variety of causes. All of which required a professional physician’s evaluation. I finally decided enough was enough and scheduled an appointment with a doctor. The doctor had blood drawn for various tests, including testosterone levels, a metabolic panel and a complete blood count.
I was very nervous and anxious to see my results. Those five days I waited seemed as if they would never end. But then I finally received a call from my doctor who decided to refer me to a specialist – an endocrinologist. It appeared that my testosterone levels were low. Not just low – the results, in fact, came back “too low to count.” I didn’t even get the pleasure of knowing my number. I produced so little testosterone that it wasn’t countable.
Frustrated and not completely aware of the severity, I visited with the endocrinologist. I was told that I needed testosterone therapy. I thought to myself that I would do a couple of therapy sessions and I would be back to normal.
I asked the doctor, “When do I come in for this therapy session?” The doctor smiled and replied, “Session? I guess you could call it that. The session starts today and continues on for the rest of your life.”
This wasn’t very exciting for me at all. I do not want to be married to a needle this soon in my life. This was unacceptable to me and I refused to see that doctor again. I decided to further my research with respect to low testosterone levels in hopes that I could help myself. I spent countless hours, days and months trying to cure myself of this depressing condition. Where was the big guy that told me “You’ll be just fine” when I decided to take steroids? But I found there was no use in blaming him or anyone else for that matter. It was ultimately my decision to use steroids and I needed to take responsibility for my actions.
A couple of years went by and my depression overwhelmingly controlled of my life. I gained a tremendous amount of weight; I quit my job and hibernated at home. I was constantly sad and angry at times. I missed calls from friends who wanted to go to various places and events during the weekends. They all had dates, some got married and others were enjoying the single life. Meanwhile, I was sulking at home and became dangerously depressed. The calls from friends stopped coming and I was lonelier than I ever thought I would be. Suicidal thoughts were floating in my mind on a daily basis. I wrote several farewell letters during those days.
I was 31 when I woke up one day and decided to take control of my life. I decided that I couldn’t give up and be one of the weak-minded individuals who don’t have the ability to get out of a slump. I called that very doctor and went in for treatment. They retested for serum testosterone again and there had been no improvement. I was prescribed testosterone in sub-lingual form, which did not seen to work very well. Then I was switched to a trans-dermal form. Again, this did not work wonders for me. I believe I had a boost of placebo that was quite short lived.
Finally, I was offered injectable testosterone. It was only a few weeks after implementing this form that I began to feel better. And after 3 months I realized that I was feeling much better with respect to my fatigue and overall well-being. I still struggled with my erections, however. After discussion with my doctor I was prescribed Viagra for erectile dysfunction. This worked really well but after a while, it became annoying with the prolonged and, at times, random erections. It may seem like a great deal for any man but, trust me, it can be annoying at times when you just don’t need it.
My doctor and I decided to switch over to Cialis and that has been the greatest compound in my collection to date. Cialis worked for me because I only responded upon stimulation, which is how it should work. While I shouldn’t complain, I was still faced with one more problem in that department. I was never able to ejaculate. Luckily, I had a very up to date and knowledgeable doctor who prescribed Oxytocin. Note the spelling so that it is not confused with the narcotic of a similar name.
This 3rd prescription completed my libido needs. It’s quite unfortunate that I have to inject testosterone to gain natural serum levels, use Cialis to maintain an erection and Oxytocin for the ability to ejaculate. But this is better than the state I was in prior to treatment.
I always worry about folks falling into that dangerous state of mind that I did. A lot of people I’ve spoken to about steroids were also not concerned about side effects. That’s why today I’m passionate about safe cycling because I was the one who said, “These things won’t happen to me.” If only I knew then what I know now. I most certainly would have waited until I was well educated with respect to steroid use and was more developed physically. I am proof that just because you feel fine after a cycle, does not mean you’re out of the woods. Problems can catch up to you several years later. It’s not worth that improper cycle that made me happy for 3 months back then.
I hope you stay tuned for part 3, as I’d like to take you with me on my journey to helping others and how I became an advocate for men and women’s health. Until then, stay powerful.